Thursday, February 11, 2010

My People Perish for Lack of Knowledge

I love my state...really, I do. See previous post. However, (you knew that was coming, right?) my people don't know how to act when you throw a little snow and sleet into their daily lives. If you need proof of their complete lack of snow sensibility, go here.

Granted, they come by it honestly here in the south. We don't see a lot of the fluffy white stuff here. But come on? Seriously? It's FLUFFY and WHITE and we only get a few inches of it at a time. How dangerous can it be for us? Usually, it melts as it hits the ground. The way people act around here, you'd think we were a region full of crack-heads and the stuff falling from the sky is, well, um, crack.

For one thing, people drive like maniacs. And that one I haven't figured out yet. I'm not sure if they're just giddy from the crack, I mean, er, um, snow, or if they're trying to get home before the roof caves in from the weight of the snow. At any rate, suddenly little blue-haired ladies start to drive like Mad Maxx on his way to the Thunderdome. No doubt, on their way to the store to buy milk, bread and eggs. Maybe some batteries.

And then you have the local media. The weatherpeople here just eat this up, which only adds to the frenzy. In their defense, I suppose they get so weary of reporting the usual 100 degree record breaking temps and the record breaking rain that they almost wet themselves when something new comes along. Who can blame them?

But mention a hurricane? Now you're talkin' party, people! We've even named a drink after that bad boy! If you've been to New Orleans, I'm sure you've become acquainted with that lovely, fruity, liquorous concoction and probably felt like you'd been through a hurricane the next morning after drinking a few.

And tornados? Please. We eat those for breakfast. Some of my fondest Easter memories involve a beautiful, sweet, easter-egg hunt followed by my entire family piling into a bathtub while waiting for the "funnel cloud" to pass over...get it? Passover? I love it when an unexpected pun just falls into my lap.

At any rate, here is a poorly lit photo (blame the blizzard) of what happened here today. You might have noticed that the snow is falling on the bamboo that threatens to take over my back yard. NOTE: While there are many different varities of bamboo, about half of the species tends to thrive in tropical climates. Which perhaps explains the behavior of my people when this strange, fluffy white substance makes an appearance. Snow and tropical climate do not mix. Or maybe my people are just idiots. I forget.

Who dat?

Dat be snow, my people.

Deep breath.


Diahn said...

Passover! PASSOVER! I snorted very loudly at that one...brilliant!

Dan Kent said...

Hmmm. Crack doesn't fall from the sky in Miami. (Though I think in South Beach it falls from many noses.) So how do you explain Miamians' behavior? I'll pit our crazies against your crazies, our drivers against your drivers, anytime!

Lisa said...

What would happen if it snowed during Mardi Gras? :)

Melinda said...

Thank you, Diahn. I liked that one, too.

Dan, you're on.

And Lisa...redneck hysteria like the world has never known. Death and mayhem.

becky said...

I remember those "Passover" days in the bathtub!!!!!! Tornadoes were a daily occurence.

You, my friend, always make me laugh out loud.