Monday, February 01, 2010

The Butterfly Post

I've been working on priming the pump but it isn't working. Maybe I just need to relax. Let the blog be what it be. And the writing. It's not like I'm going to solve the world's problems here, right?

It's supposed to be my retreat. A place to be myself. And right now, myself is tired. I'm well and not in the poor house. I'm healthier physically and on my way to a thinner me. I'd say the weight loss is all about health but I'd be lying. Vanity, mostly.

My son, whom I haven't written about in a while, is wonderful. There, I said it. I've been afraid to talk about his success for fear of eating my words...again. But it's not good to live in fear and so I won't. As if I believe that I could jinx who he's become by merely speaking of it? What am I, a suspicious voodoo queen? Not I. Some of his story is in past blogs and that's where it should stay. He and his lovely wife have a new life. And I have a new friend in my son. And my daughter-in-law. He's becoming the man I always imagined he would be and she, the woman I always wanted for him.

Look how happy they are. Seriously. What a transformation. If you only knew.

I still worry about my girls. Two teenage girls, 17 and 15. So much pressure out there. So many shallow messages. But even if they take wrong turns, cause me sleepless nights and veer off track for awhile, I can look at my son and know that I've done a pretty good job as a mother, in spite of my shortcomings. And that gives me hope.

So why this need lately to wrap myself in a cocoon? I don't know. Maybe I'll emerge in the spring with bright, beautiful, orange-yellow-red wings with a wing span the size of Texas.

Now that makes me smile. I wish I could paint that picture.

See? That's why I blog. Because it always reminds me that life is beautiful. And so do all of you.


Mark said...

What a beautiful couple. You did good mom.

Dan Kent said...

You have painted that picture. Your writing is so sincere and touching and real and I can relate on so many levels. This is why I keep coming back.

Oh, and also because I am waiting for you to solve the world's problems - that too.

Lisa said...

This made me tear up. I am so happy for your family. :)

becky said...

They look beautiful, Melinda. Jesse is hauntingly Brian-like... and what a story of recovery and redemption and healing. The girls will flourish and find their way also... You are a wonderful mom and friend.