Black Friday

It's 4:21 in the morning, and I am insane. This year, I've decided to go shopping on Black Friday. Never done it before. I usually laugh and laugh and laugh at people who get up this early to brave the crowds for a few good bargains.

But, what the hell? I figured I'd try it just this once, with Robert being gone and all. He usually laughs and laughs and laughs with me at those people and I'm afraid he couldn't bear to see this.

See what happens when you're gone, honey?

I need you to keep my grounded...

So sleepy, need more coffee, more later.

Oh, Thanksgiving!

Sigh.

I think I'm finally getting my space. I'm not sure, it's been a while and I don't quite remember what it feels like...but I think this is it!

My hubby is gone this week to see his family, I've got some time off work...it's just me, my girls and Mr. Wapkaplet. No soccer games, no running around, just finally, sweet relaxation! I'd love to finish the novel but I know that won't happen. I am, however, going to try to put a big dent in the word count and keep writing as far as I can go before the end of the day Sunday. I have claimed my space and told the girls that I won't be their chauffeur for the next four days and cleared all of my work files from my desk. I don't want to see them. I plan on writing, sinking my brain into my new, big, thick, beautiful novel by Wally Lamb, and watching holiday movies from the comfort of my bed or couch. That's right, I have two choices, baby, TWO. Sorry, dear husband, to sound so excited that you're not here...but the truth is, I am a little excited.

I love my hubby, I really do, tremendously. But I think it's good for couples to have a little time away from each other. We're not your typical "joined at the hip" married couple, and I think that's because we were older when we got married. At any rate, this is nice.

And...it's Thanksgiving today! My favorite holiday!

Oh, Thanksgiving, how I love you. You, of all the holidays, expect so little from me. No costumes or candy to buy, no eggs to dye or presents to buy. All you want is a little comfort food, and some time. Time to be grateful and reflect on God's sweet blessings. Time to kick back with my family. Time to eat, eat, eat! You are the last,lazy day before the rush of your sister holiday, Christmas. You usher in the hope that this year will be the best holiday season of all. And, as I do every year, I vow to enjoy this next month. I vow to not overplan and run myself ragged. I vow to slow down--way, way, down--and relax. I vow to go ice-skating, christmas light gazing, sugar cookie baking, but most of all, to think of others. To spend time hugging and laughing.

I have so much to be thankful for...Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

And now, if you'll excuse me, I hear the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade calling...

Pep Talk No. 2, 002,643

Some of my dearest friends seem to be fighting off the winter blues, myself included. It seems a little early for that so I have to ask myself...is it really that? Or is it that myself, and my dearest friends, are in a season of perpetual giving and not a whole lot of receiving? Maybe receiving isn't the right word because my group of friends are a lot alike. It's not that we NEED, per say, we just need time to recharge our batteries. Which I guess is a need, just not necessarily something that someone else has to give us. It's something that we need to claim for ourselves and that, my friends, is the conundrum. Why do mother's seem to have such a hard time staking that claim? Is it guilt? Are we martyrs? Are we control freaks? Or just good mothers? Hmmm....maybe a little bit of all of the above, if we're honest.

Guilt, that's easy. We have to be the best mothers that we can be which involves nothing new under the sun. Every mother who has half a conscious tries to be everything, and I mean everything, to her children. We have to communicate openly, expose them to our view of right and wrong, correct the mistakes that our parents made and raise well-rounded, productive human beings who will never, ever, be sad or hurt or inflict pain on other people. Or else we will have failed. What a tremendous pressure.

Lately, I've been thinking I micro-manage my children too much. "Text me when you get there, immediately." "Who are you going with?" "Why didn't you answer your phone?" When we were kids, we left at morning, came home at dinner. No cell phones. We had plenty of opportunity to spread our wings and fly, even if we fell quickly to the earth. We had a whole world outside of our parents and we grew, made mistakes, and gradually cut the apron strings. I wonder if I'm giving my children the same opportunities. They are individuals. They have their own thoughts, ideas, some of them completely different from mine. I have to be okay with that and let them spread their wings. But that's not always so easy. We, as parents, have to find a balance. Where's my damn manual?

So, where do I fit in? In all of this guilt, martyrdom and controlling? That's just it. Lately, I'm having a hard time finding my space. It comes and goes. The last week has been hectic, one daughter had a tonsillectomy, another had a two-day soccer tournament and a 16th birthday, and my son came home for the weekend from rehab. Oh, yeah...and it's almost Thanksgiving. And my grandson is discovering his individuality and screams when he wants something, which is often. He wants everything.

So do I.

But right now, I'll settle for a little space, a little time to be only Melinda. No one else will claim that for me.

Just say no, Mo, just say no. You are no one's everything. But if you lose yourself, you are nothing to everyone.

Thanks, me. Good talk.

Onward!